I finally got the call to start the PSO job end of last week and lets just say that it was an experience!  I'm not one bit prudish or narrow minded, but some of the calls i got were unbeleivable! I won't go into too much detail, but if i was to say that my calls ranged from dressing as a leather clad nun to being spanked with a leather bound bible, i think you'll get the general gist of things!!!  boy have i learnt a thing or two...  I haven't actually logged in for the past couple of days, i went down with that hideous projectile vomiting bug over the weekend and just couldn't face it, some of the calls i got were vomit inducing in themself, and if i'm being totally honest, i think i'm going to find it too much like hard work - i'll see how i feel this weekend then probably give it one last shot though before totally abandoning it, as it is actually quite good fun in some ways, you just need to be able to detactch yourself slightly from some of the more extreme fetish calls and just let it go over your head a little.  I do however need to get back into proper gainful employment now though, and fast, i feel ready for it now and i have had enuogh of this living hand to mouth existence, i knew when i came out of treatment early that going straight back into paid employment would be a bad idea, as having disposable income around me could have taken me straight down the wrong path again very quickly, so being out of work for this period of time, although hard, has been done for a reason, i am hoping that although i am still finding it tough day to day with cravings etc, that getting back into a 9-5 routine will seal the deal, also, i have got behind with my rent and have had to sell my car which is a bit of a heartbreaker, but, i need a roof over my head more than i need 4 wheels at this moment in time, so sensibility prevailed, i couldn't afford to get it back on the road anyway and there will always be another car somewhere along the way.. c'est la vie...  I am hopeful that an opportunity might arise to work for the same organisation that my support worker works for at some stage, it's a charitable organisation that assists a variety of people with various needs in the community, some relating to drugs and alcohol, some not, but generally givng them support/advice with their general day to day stuff if they are struggling to cope with things, things such as ensuring the dreaded brown envelopes are opened and the bills are paid, help arranging debt cosolidation through correct channels such as CAB, checking benefits eligibility, housing etc - it is meant to be mainly in an advisory capacity, not a do it all for you service, and i found it to be a huge help a few months back when i couldn't face opening envelopes etc.. now thanks to my support worker everything is all in order, my council tax arrears are being paid back and no more bailiffs banging at my door!  I definitely have a pasionto undertake this type of work, it is what i started working towards when i went back to college a coule of years ago, so, although i have deviated from the path a little, it would be fantastic to get back on track again and as many addicts in recovery say, 'give something back'. It would also gove me the opportunity to go back to college and complete my course and possibly undertake other relevant training, qualifications etc - exciting!  I have reached the point now whereby i know that getting back to work is an integral part of maintaining my recovery and kick starting my self esteem - bring it on!