Have put the phone op thing on the back burner for awhile, although the money wasn't too bad, it is hard work thinking on your feet hour after hour and i took it too personally being hung up on! Anyway, i'm tackling this from another angle later this week and going to start as a webcam op, nothing pervy, it's non adult content, just sitting and chatting online, yes, it is flirty chat, but not the filth iwas contending with on the phone, it also pays a nearly 3 times as much and is a flat rate as opposed to tiered rates on the phones where you are constantly trying to stretch the call, first past 3 mins, then 7 mins. I have spoken to a few girls that are doing the webcam work and they all say it is much easier and better paid than being on the phones, the only thing is that obviously you can be seen so could possibly be recognised and also, you can't sit there in your skanky trackie bottoms with your hair scraped back in a pony tail! - I manage to get a good webcam off Ebay for £7, so if it falls flat on it's face, it hasn't cost me the earth and i've wanted a webcam for yonks anyway.  Regardless, i need to start earning again and soon, my financial situation is dire, even had to sell my car last week to catch up on my rent arrears and there is no way i want to be without a car indefinitly and nor do i want to become homeless...

Doing ok with the not using, apart from boxing day, i've done ok, so a pat on the back for me!  I know i'm not out of the woods yet, it's hard, really hard, but if i want my life back again i know i have to stick with it.

Had some dreadful news yeserday that a friend of mine had died, an even bigger shock was that it was from a heroin overdose, i always knew him as a coke user and a drinker, but never the gear, he used to lecture me about it and he lost a close friend to it a few years back... I'm not sure what happened for him to pick it up, i do remember him calling me and asking me to get him some about a year or so ago cos he wanted to try it but i refused point blank, no way would i ever give that shit to a friend, especially one that i knew wasn't a user - someone must have given it him though and by god am i ever glad it wasn't me that got him that first bag.. it's such a bloody shame, he was a great guy, mad as a hatter mind you! i first met him about 20 years ago through the local bikers etc that we used to hang out with, his nickname was Ming, cos he looked like Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon!  R.I.P buddy x

More shock news, last weekend my best mate had a mini stroke which has shook her rigid, she's younger than me too, only 34 and a single parent, needless to say she has sat down and re-evaluated her life - you just never know what is around that corner do you...?

OK, time to watch the Baby Borrowers now - i'm loving this programme!